The Era of Arachnid – Homo Sapien Understanding and Cooperation

Attention Spiders:

We agree that spiders have a necessary and important role in world ecology. You are useful creatures to have around, keeping the insect population under control and all that. And we realize that we humans are never more than three feet from a member of your talented species.

That being said, we would like to live in peace with your kind. We won’t bother you, if you don’t bother us.

Chez Knighton is not a totalitarian dictatorship intent upon gassing our eight-legged compatriots. In fact, we will provide you safe haven in dark and cool places, beneath cupboards, behind furniture, and even among our houseplants.

However, should you decide to invade our shower, dropping in on unsuspecting bathers, you will be washed down the drain without ceremony. Be ye warned!

Do we have an accord?

They’re Back

After three blissful weeks of dreams NOT involving copious amounts of chewing gum, it showed up again last night – in a nightmare this time. I have nightmares so rarely, that I forgot how scary they can be, especially when your mouth is clogged with a stickly substance which no amount of pulling and digging can remove.

And, for the record, I dream in color and can actually feel the gum stuck between my teeth. Everything is so real to me, that I have to wake up to know it’s not a dream. Frustrating actually because then I can’t get back to sleep for worrying about the gum. Grrrr.

Bring Out Your Dead

Thursday, April 20th, was a beautiful day for a funeral. It was a sunny East Texas day (that is to say: stifling.) Long lost relatives and friends showed up a little before 3pm for a graveside service to honor my dear Aunt Katy.

Only it didn’t start at 3. Or even 3:30. And that was just about the moment things got interesting. My nephews began to play “King of the Mountain.” Yeah. THAT mountain.

Then a lady in a wheelchair was rolled under the tent, along with her oxygen tank. The guy helping her lit a cigarette, took a long drag. Twenty people took a big step back. Someone should have stopped him, but no one wanted to get too close. ‘Cause, you know.

That’s when the dog showed up. There is a reason we call them weiner dogs, and this one looked like an overstuffed sausage on a leash. Who brings a dog to a funeral? Seriously. Who?

Finally, my uncle and cousins showed up, at about a quarter till 4. And really – who wants to bury a wife and mother? Certainly not Uncle Joe, who wandered the cemetary while the Reverend finally began the service to calm the angry mob mourners.

And what a memorial! Allow me to quote a little: “Death reminds us of our mortality, that we too will return to dust. Death reminds us of our sin, and the importance to repent before God calls us home. And that reminds me that we’ll have refreshments and cold drinks at the church after this service. (Proceeds to give directions to the Seventh Day Adventist church in town.)” No joke. He plugged his church within the first three minutes of the eulogy.

So, there you have it, folks. Only in East Texas.

The Land of the Living

Hey folks! I’m back from a very long, trying week. Subtitle: vacation, interrupted.

I’ll write more tomorrow, including the much-anticipated account of a certain funeral we attended last week. This much can be said: Handsome will not be outdone. He wants the Big Top for his send off – midget gymnasts, fire-eaters, sword-swallowers, and dancing poodles. The whole shebang. Maybe they’ll even shoot his remains out of a giant cannon!

There and Back Again

Handsome and I drove to East Texas to see family after Easter service last Sunday. We drove back to Austin on Monday evening. And we’re driving back for the funeral tomorrow morning.

It’s a good thing I have lots of practice with road trips – a three hour drive feels like no time at all.

side note: on Monday evening, a gust of wind slammed my car door shut – on my hand. Nothing’s broken, but I am a bit bruised. If it’s not one thing, it’s another!

Katy.

My mother’s sister was 12 or 13 when I was born, and instantly, I became her screaming, squirming, real-life baby doll. She always had gum and candy in her purse. She would sneak me chocolate in the back pew on Sunday mornings. She pierced my ears the week before I started Kindergarten. She taught me to wear make up and high heels. She helped me learn to drive. She kept my secrets.

She wore her hair short and spunky because she was short and spunky. My mom liked to say that she was impulsive, but really, she just wanted to have more fun than everyone else. She laughed a lot, and her laughter was infectious.

In the last hour of Friday, April 14th, my Aunt Katy departed this earth. She leaves behind an adoring husband, Joe, and two daughters, Mary and Kaitlyn. And a big, gaping hole where her laughter ought to be.

NUMB3RS

Finally! A TV show I can get on board with. The synopsis:

“Inspired by actual cases, the series depicts how the confluence of police work and mathematics provides unexpected revelations and answers to the most perplexing criminal questions.”

See. Mathematicians always win in the end.