Rest for the Weary

Well, my fiscal quarter is over. And we did it. We closed the deals, we met our goal, our prayers were answered. Yay us!

And then, at 9:00 PM last night, my anxiety- and adrenaline-driven body hit a wall. I crashed hard. And slept till 7:00 AM this morning. There were no dreams about work or gum or anything.

You wanna know what I’m planning to do today?

Absolutely nothing.

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Donald Hefeweizen Saves The World (pt.11)

Jefferson Dunleavy ogled his own ass. Which was strange, considering he was straight as a ruler.

“You’re right. It’s not bad.” Frank remarked. “But, you could use a few hours on the StairMaster.”

Just what Jefferson needed. A critical goldfish.

“Are you nuts? There’s a demon running around in a Jefferson suit, and you’re focused on my ass?!?”

“Well, you were focused on your ass. I thought I’d offer some constructive criticism. A few lunges would make you a babe magnet.”

“A few lunges would make this body a babe magnet.” Both fishes’ eyes bugged out.

“Yup. She’s a demon alright.” And just as Frank was getting the hang of active conversation, the body-snatcher walked right back out the door.

The Bathsheba in Jefferson clothing flopped into its convertible BMW and sped away. Heading north toward the mall. She thought she might take her new body out for a night on the town. Get a feel for how it handles the curves.

It had been seven centuries since she’d been allowed to indulge in the carnal pleasures offered by human existence. And her assignment could wait twenty-four hours while she caught up on modern debauchery.

She suspected she could teach twenty-first century heathens a thing or two.

Bathsheba was grinning like a kid in a candy store when she saw red and blue flashing lights in the rear-view window of her convertible BMW. “Figures.”

A petite, blonde officer whose uniform was too small for her ample bosom approached the passenger side. Authoritatively.

“I’ve always loved a woman in uniform,” Bathsheba purred.

“License and proof of insurance, please.” Officer Robertson glared at the dark-haired young man with disdain. Of course he loved a woman in uniform. He’d say anything to get out of this ticket. She hated his type.

Bathsheba stared. And smiled a wicked, naughty-thoughts smile. Officer Robertson continued her glare, unabashed.

Bathsheba/Jefferson looked away first.

Victory! thought Officer Candice Robertson. I’ve got him, now.

. . . to be continued.

(c) copyright 2008 Jennifer J. Knighton

No Rest for the Weary

Sorry, sorry. I don’t have a new episode of Donald’s adventure, and I probably won’t have one until sometime AFTER March 29th. Maybe or maybe not. I don’t know.

Anyway, it’s the end of my second fiscal quarter, and the job is high-stress at the moment. In fact, I’m so crazy busy that I’ll be home for Easter weekend for approximately 36 hours before I have to catch a flight back out to work some more. No joke.

And then, I looked at my calendar for the month of April. I’ve scheduled a few days off, but every other day for THE ENTIRE MONTH is filled with meetings, conference calls, and more travel. The guy who helps me schedule appointments has started booking in May already. In May!

*shakes head and sighs*

Donald Hefeweizen Saves The World (pt.10)

Jefferson Dunleavy caressed the fender of his new car. Black, sparkling, convertible. Just like he’d always wanted. He whistled as he strode into the building, contemplating the new life stretching before him. He absently climbed two flights of stairs to his apartment. He was imagining a shopping trip to the Galleria. New clothes, new shoes, new sunglasses. Designer underwear.

He chuckled and smiled to himself, unlocking the door to his apartment. He dropped his backpack in the foyer and walked Frank into what passed for his living room.

Frank saw the intruder long before Jefferson saw her. Well, hell, thought the goldfish, at least he’s already set me down.

A rumbling engine-like purr stole the air from Dunleavy’s lungs. “Frank, there’s someone behind me, isn’t there?” He was surprisingly calm for someone so completely frightened. “And this is exactly like some b-rate horror flick. If I turn around I’m dead. If I don’t turn around, I’m dead. Shit.”

He didn’t even get to see his destroyer before she struck.

He did, however, get to see her. . . er, himself?. . . afterward. Only, it all looked wrong, distorted somehow.

“Everything looks wrong from the inside of the bowl. You get used to it after a while.”

Jefferson whipped around. Well, he didn’t actually whip. He drifted around, sort of floaty. And began to roll over.

That’s when he saw Frank. Big as life. In the water beside him. With him!

“Wha. . . ” Jefferson mumbled in shock. It came out in bubbles.

“I cannot believe I am stuck in this body. In this apartment.” Bathsheba’s purring voice slowly assumed Jefferson’s baritone. “Well, at least I’ve got a budget.”

Bathsheba slowly perused the contents of the apartment. “What a disaster. Everything will have to be replaced.” She craned her neck around. “Well, at least the derrière will work.”

. . . to be continued.

(c) copyright 2008 Jennifer J. Knighton

Donald Hefeweizen Saves The World (pt.9)

“I won’t do it! He can’t make me!” Jessica paced across her lovely hardwood floors. Anxiety bounced off the rafters, making Jack bristle.

“Of course he can make you. He’s Satan, for crying out loud. The Deceiver, the Accuser, the Prince of the Power of the Air, Beelzebub. I could go on,” the little dog barked. “But I won’t. I’ll just tell you straight out. I’m not having my soul harvested by you cutie. Not now. Not ever.”

Jessica stalked back into her kitchen, trading her protein shake for a gin and tonic. She took a huge gulp. And added more gin.

“I’m not into the whole soul harvesting thing, Jack. That’s the reason I moved to Dallas, remember?” She set down her drink on the coffee table and flopped into the overstuffed, extra-wide chair that dominated her living room. Her three-inch stiletto heels dropped to the floor with a thud, barely missing her pet’s tail.

“Listen, Jess. They’re going to come for you, you know. He’ll send someone.”

“Like he sent you?” she retorted.

Jessica remembered the day she found a little terrier curled on her welcome mat, shivering in the cold. And like a sucker, she picked him up, brought him in, and fed him. He never left.

He was like a cat that way.

Jack’s growling snapped her attention away from the memory. “I didn’t want to do it! You know that!.”

“Right. Exactly like I don’t want to become the anti-Christ. And exactly like you didn’t become my father’s spy.”

“Um. Yeah, well, about that . . . “ Jack’s voice drifted off.

Jessica’s head whipped around with supernatural speed. Her eyes like laser-beams following the sound of the animal’s nails as it raced behind a low wall into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry! You don’t have to scorch my tail for it!” whined the creature.

That’s when Jessica noticed the smoking results of her laser stare. A pair of pencil-thin burns scored her pine floors, from the TV to the dining room.

“That’s just great. Just freakin’ great. My second new power today.” She grabbed her glass and knocked back the balance of her drink. “I’m going to need more gin.”

. . . to be continued.

(c) copyright 2008 Jennifer J. Knighton