Woke up this morning with a nose bleed. Which was surprising, since I had a bunch of superficial blood vessels in my nose cauterized about a decade ago.
And let me tell you about that. . .
Jennifer: “I get these nose bleeds. For hours.”
Doctor: “Really? How long has that been going on?”
J: “My whole life.”
Dr.: “We can fix that. It’s a quick outpatient procedure. Takes about five minutes.”
J: “Really! Is this new? How long has this been available?”
Dr.: “You’re whole life.”
Fast forward two weeks. . .
Dr.: “Morning Ms. Knighton. You ready?”
J: “You bet! I can’t wait to not have nose bleeds!”
Doctor Nosey gets out his nose-scope and takes a peek into my nostrils.
J: “What ‘wow?’ There’s no ‘wow!'”
Dr.: “Well, this is a little more difficult than I first thought. These blood vessels are huge! I’m surprised you don’t walk around with a bleeding nose every day.”
Dr.: “Looks like the silver-nitrate won’t work for you. We’re going to have to electrically cauterize these suckers.”
J (sheepish): “Electrically?”
Dr.: “Yeah! This’ll be fun. I’ll be right back.”
J: “Fun. Right.”
In the meantime, a nurse comes in to prep me. And by prep, I mean torture.
Nurse: “We’ll use a small amount of local anesthetic to deaden the nerves in your nostrils. This shouldn’t hurt.”
Then she stuck a needle up my nose.
It hurt. Like hell. And my nose began to bleed.
N: “Wow! Dr. Nosey wasn’t kidding. You do get nose bleeds.”
And that’s when Dr. Nosey walks in with the giant instruments of electrical torture. With a big fat smile on his face.
To be continued. . .